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《Rejected and Forsaken》

At eight-years-old, Lily considered herself quite the grown up– she was only two years younger than her brother after all. That didn't mean that she could walk home alone though. Lily was walking home from school on that day, following her brother Sam and his friend, Kyle, like she always did.

Kyle was their next door neighbor so he walked home with them from school every day. He was also the boy that Lily was planning on marrying, whether he liked it or not. She just knew that he was the one– her mate. She hoped that one day he would look at her like her dad looked at her mom–as if she was his whole world.

She was so busy daydreaming about her future marriage that she didn't notice the two boys had started running home without her.

"Sam wait!" she shouted, trying to catch up with them on her tiny legs. "Kyle!"

Either they didn't hear her, or they didn't care that she was far behind them now. They kept running, until they were so far ahead of her there was no way she could catch up. She tried to run faster, hating that they had left her behind, but she ended up tripping on the uneven sidewalk, scraping her knees and hands on the rough ground.

She looked down at her knees and when she saw the torn skin and blood, she couldn't hold back her tears. She hated crying because crying was for babies, but she hated blood even more. After looking at her scraped up hands, she cried even harder, her sobs loud and ugly. Even though she knew the way home, she didn't know if she could walk there all alone now. She wanted her mom or her dad.

She waited for a few minutes, hoping Sam and Kyle would come back for her but when there was no sign of them, she struggled to her feet. Her legs felt stiff and sore as she stood up. She started hobbling down the street, but stopped when she heard a car driving slowly next to her. She looked to the side to see a man pulling over and getting out of his car. He walked over, stopping a few feet away from her.

"Hi there. I saw you fall down. Are you okay?" he asked.

Lily knew that she wasn't meant to talk to strangers, so she kept quiet and took a small step back.

"Hey it's alright. I just want to help," he said soothingly. "I can see you're hurt."

Lily nodded, letting a few more tears escape. "It's sore," she whispered, but he seemed to hear her quiet words.

"I know, honey. Maybe I can help you get home," he suggested, pointing to his car.

"Mom said I mustn't get into cars with strangers," Lily said with a frown.

"I'm not a stranger though. I know your parents."

"If you know them then what are their names?" she asked, thinking that was a good test to prove his words.

He smiled at her. "Rose and Greyson. And your name is Lily."

"Oh," Lily said in surprise.

"I can take you home to your mom, Lily. I'm sure you want to see her, don't you?"

Lily bit her lip while she thought about it. Her mom did say that it was only strangers she mustn't trust, and this man didn't seem like a stranger. "I don't know...I guess it's ok," she eventually agreed.

She was about to take his hand, when she heard her mom scream her name. Lily spun to see her mom running towards them, looking panicked.

"Mommy," Lily exclaimed in happiness. She tried to run to her mom, but the man was holding her hand and wouldn't let go. She looked at him with a frown. "I want my mom," she told him.

Instead of letting her go though he started pulling her towards his car.

"No! Let her go," her mom shouted as she got closer.

Lily started crying again, not understanding what was happening. Just as the man was pushing her into the car, her mom grabbed his arm and Lily heard a snap. The man screamed in pain and let go of Lily's hand.

"You BICH," he roared.

"Run, Lily!" her mom shouted.

Lily watched in horror as the man slapped her mom across the face. He hit her so hard that she landed on the ground a few feet away. He walked to her and picked her up by the hair.

"Mommy!" Lily screamed, running towards them. She kicked the man's leg, hoping he would let her mom go, but it didn't seem to affect him. He pushed her away while still holding onto her mother.

The man jostled Lily's mother. "Stop struggling!" he yelled into her face, making her flinch. "I was told to get the girl, but the Alpha's wife might be even better," he said, grinning evilly.

Her mom turned her face towards Lily and frantically mouthed the word 'run'. Lily stayed long enough to see her mom knee the man between his legs and kick his chest when he fell to his knees. Lily turned and ran towards home, hoping that her dad was there so he could come help mom. She ran as fast as could and when she saw their house, she screamed, "Daddy!" at the top of her lungs.

She could see him playing catch with Sam and Kyle in the yard, but when he heard her scream his gaze snapped to her. His eyes widened in shock and he ran towards her. When he got to her, he looked her up and down, focusing on the blood on her knees.

"You have to help mommy," she told him quickly, tears choking her voice. "There's a bad man."

He didn't wait to hear another word before he started running in the direction she had come from. She followed after him, and soon Sam and Kyle were running with her too. By the time Lily got to where she had left her mom, everyone else was already there. The man's car wasn't there anymore, but Lily wasn't sure if that was a good thing. She could see her dad was on the ground cradling something in his lap and when she walked closer, she saw it was her mother's body.

"Mom?" she said softly, but her mother's body didn't move and her eyes stayed closed. "Mommy?" she said louder, but her mom still didn't wake up.

Sam and Kyle were looking down at her body with wide eyes and serious faces. Lily looked at her father, hoping he would tell her everything was going to be okay, but he had tears streaming from his eyes. Her dad never cried. "Daddy?" she whispered.

"She's dead," he said. "She's dead," he repeated in a daze. His words shattered her, but he didn't seem to notice even as he looked at her. "What happened, Lily?" he asked.

She was too shocked to reply to him, his words echoing cruelly in her heart. She's dead. When she just shook her head in denial and didn't reply, he shouted the question again. He was scary when he shouted.

"It...it was the bad man," she explained through her sobs. "He saw me fall...and...and he said he would take me home. I was going with him, but then mommy came and he didn't want to let go of my hand," she tried to explain.

Her dad looked angry now and she didn't like that. Her dad was an Alpha and she knew that meant he was the strongest in their pack. He lifted her mother's body off of his lap and placed it gently on the ground, but his clenched jaw showed that he was ready to punch something like he always did when he was mad.

"I'm sorry daddy," Lily said desperately.

He grabbed her roughly by the shoulders and shook her violently. "Didn't we teach you anything? We told you not to get into cars with strangers!" he screamed at her.

"He knew our names so I thought it was okay to go with him," she cried, trying to make him understand.

"Are you stupid?" he shouted, before shoving her to the ground. "Why didn't you just run home? Maybe then she would still be alive." His voice broke as he started crying again.

His words were like knives slicing into her skin. She felt every one of them cutting her open. Lily looked to her brother for help, but he averted his gaze.

"Sam?" she said brokenly, but he refused to look at her. She turned her gaze to Kyle next only to find disgust in his eyes.

Her mom was dead and everyone else she loved thought it was her fault. Maybe it was her fault. Maybe her dad was right. She walked to her mom's body and tried to take her hand, still holding out hope that her mom might just be sleeping. When she reached out though, her dad slapped her hand away.

"Don't touch her!" he screamed.

Her brother added to her new pain by pushing her back. "Just go away. We don't want you here. This is your fault!" he spat at her.

She stumbled away from them, not understanding how everything had gone so wrong. She turned and ran home, not stopping until she was curled up under her blanket on her bed. She wanted to hide from the world and from her family, wishing that when she woke up tomorrow everything would be back to normal and her mom would still be alive. If only she knew then that things were only going to get worse from then– much , much worse.

Filth and Fists

Nine years later:

Lily woke up from her nightmare when she was dragged out of bed by her ankles. The image of her mother's terrified green eyes as she screamed the word 'run', was still playing in her mind as she landed heavily on her bedroom floor. Her shoulder took the brunt of her weight and she could already feel the bruise forming, adding yet another purple mark onto her heavily bruised body. She let out a small whimper of pain, but refused to give her father the satisfaction of hearing her scream. It only got worse though when he kicked her in the stomach, knocking the breath out of her.

"Get up!" he spat at her. "We're having a pack meeting in two hours and I need you to clean the house. The place is a FKING mess," he said in disgust, as if he weren't the one responsible for the house's messy condition. He stormed out, slamming the door behind him, and the sound echoed throughout her room.

Lily pushed herself off the floor slowly, feeling every ache in her body as she stood up and walked to the bathroom. She took a quick shower, scrubbing furiously at her body which felt filthy from her father's hands. She thought it was ironic that she was the one who felt dirty when he was the one beating his own daughter. Yet, it was as if she could still feel his huge hands wrapped around her ankles, yanking her out of her sleep. Lily ignored the pain as she used her sponge to scrub at her stomach where he had kicked her.

Her new bruises twinged painfully as she got dressed, but it was worth it to at least feel clean. She wore a pair of light blue skinny jeans, a cute white top with small purple flowers on it, and a pair of comfortable converse. She had found all the items at a thrift store where she bought most of her clothes. She worked the evening shift at a coffee shop, so she had money for things like clothes and toiletries, which her father had long stopped buying for her. She also did some babysitting for a sweet family whenever they needed her. They were the only ones who didn't treat her like a social pariah, treating her like family instead, and Lily had fallen in love with their young daughter.

Her paycheck wasn't huge though, so she rarely treated herself to clothes that weren't second-hand. Not that Lily minded, because she had always managed to find great stuff. She had also been saving a large chunk of her money, managing to accumulate quite a lot over the years. She had all her savings stashed in a hollowed out book on her shelf, waiting for the day she graduated high school and could finally leave the house that had become her nightmare.

After piling her long brown hair into a bun, she made her way downstairs to clean up the house. Their house was the largest and nicest in their small town because of her father's role as the Alpha. It was also the house where pack meetings were held. Those meetings only served to make her feel even more of an outsider as nobody ever spoke or even acknowledged her at them–their Alpha had ordered them not to. Her role in pack meetings consisted solely of cleaning up the house before they started, and standing quietly in the corner while they took place.

Not for the first time, Lily wished she were brave enough to leave the house in its current state so that the pack could see how their mighty Alpha lived. She wasn't brave enough to face the wrath of her father if she did that though, so she reluctantly started cleaning. Her father had become a slob after his mate had died, so their untidy house was just another reminder of the mess their lives had become. Not that she needed reminding when her bruises and scrapes were a daily reminder of how much things had changed in their family. What used to be a beautiful home had become a war zone of food wrappers, filth and fists.

There were dirty dishes on the kitchen table and food crumbs sticking to the material of the couches. Lily hated living in the disgusting mess, but she also refused to clean up her father's and brother's mess only to have them undo all her work an hour later. So she lived with her disgust, until her father ordered her to clean like he had that morning. Sometimes she wondered if she was only causing herself more suffering by living in such filth, but ultimately she was petty enough to endure the grime if only to let her father and brother suffer with her too. It was one of the only ways she fought back.

It took her over an hour to vacuum, scrub and mop the downstairs area into spotless and almost unrecognizable rooms. By the time she was done, there was only five minutes left until the meeting started, so she ran up to her room to make herself more presentable. Her father may not like her anymore, but he always insisted that she look good at the meetings to show a strong front for the pack. It seemed illogical to her considering how he had ordered his wolves to ignore her presence, but her father had stopped being logical the day his other half had been murdered.

Lily quickly braided her hair and put on some lip gloss. She couldn't afford any other make-up so the lip gloss would have to do. Luckily, her green eyes were lined by naturally dark and thick eyelashes and, as a werewolf, her pale skin was flawless except for the few freckles on her nose. She would have loved to have some concealer to cover the dark circles under her eyes, but she suspected there wasn't a concealer good enough to completely cover the bruise like rings from her nightmare-filled sleep.

She had just reached the bottom of the stairs when the doorbell rang, announcing the arrival of pack members. Lily ran to open the door only to find Kyle and his parents on the other side. Even after all this time, she was still attracted to her brother's friend. Kyle was her first crush and it seemed like none of the cruel things he said or did took away her feelings for him. Lily hated how pathetic it made her feel. She would give anything to make her crush go away.

Her heart twisted painfully when he sneered at her in disgust before walking into the house. His parents didn't even bother to glance at her as they followed him in. The rest of the packs arrived in much the same way until the living room and kitchen were filled with chatting werewolves.

The only one who greeted her was Eli Stevenson, the father of the girl she babysat for, but even then he could only give her a small smile and a nod so he didn't risk the Alpha's anger if he managed to find out they were close. The small gesture meant more to Lily than she would ever admit. Amanda, his wife, must have been at home with their daughter, Bella, who at six, was much too young to attend meetings. Only one member from each family was required to attend pack meetings, so it wasn't uncommon.

Eli, Amanda and Bella, were like family. They were the reason she could get out of bed in the morning even when all she wanted to do was crawl under the covers and never get up. Amanda had found Lily crying outside the school when she was nine and had been taking care of her ever since. She took Lily to buy her first bra, had helped her when she had her first period, and had been like a mother to her when she desperately needed one. She would never replace Lily's real mom, but she had been there for her when everyone else had abandoned her.

Eli, a kind man in his early thirties, had welcomed her into their family as well, and Lily could happily say that he had become a replacement for her father. She sometimes missed her old dad, the one who wasn't so consumed by loss, but she couldn't say that she felt guilty for considering Eli as her dad now. He had done more for Lily in the past month than her real father had done for her in the past nine years. Unfortunately they couldn't show their affection for each other in front of the pack, because if the Alpha found out, he was sure to do everything he could to end her relationship with the Stevensons. So Eli left her at the door and went talk to a group of male werewolves.

Once everyone had arrived, the Alpha graced them with their presence with Sam by his side. He led them into the enormous space that acted as a kind of boardroom. There were about a hundred werewolves, which made up about half the pack, in the room. The ones with higher ranks sat in chairs at the long table in the middle of the space, with her father at the head of the table. The rest of them stood against the walls and Lily took her place as far from her father as possible.

Her father was only forty, but he looked at least ten years older than that. Werewolves didn't age as quickly as humans, but his hair was showing grey already and his forehead had wrinkles. If anybody thought he was weak because of how he looked though, they would be sorely mistaken. After his wife's death, he had become more dangerous and more angry. It was something he hid well from the pack, releasing most of his anger out on Lily instead. So it came as no surprise to her when he sat at the head of the table looking calm and only slightly intimidating.

"We have a few important things to discuss," the Alpha said, signalling the start of the meeting, "But before we do that, I would like to announce that my son has found his mate," her father said with sincere pride.

A werewolf could only find their mate after their first shift, which happened when they turned eighteen. Sam was nineteen, but Jessica had only turned eighteen a few days ago, so they had only realized they were mates then. On cue, Sam turned to the girl sitting next to him and kissed her forehead affectionately, his love for her clear on his face. His mate, Jessica, was one of Lily's least favorite people, so the sight made her want to gag.

Their obvious happiness grated at her, because Sam's love for Jessica only emphasized that he was capable of love, but just refused to give his sister any affection. Lily missed him, but she may as well not even exist for how little he seemed to miss her.

"Their bonding ceremony will take place in two weeks and the whole pack is invited to attend," Lily's father announced happily. His love for Sam was clear in his voice, which was nothing new, but it still hurt Lily to hear it when his disdain for her was so apparent.

The pack's support of the match was obvious, especially from Jessica's father, Beta Davidson, who sat next to the Alpha. They gazed on the couple with approval, knowing that Jessica, being the Beta's daughter, was from a strong bloodline. Their next Alpha couldn't have asked for a better mate.

Aside from Lily, the only one who didn't look impressed was Eli. He gave her a sympathetic look and a small encouraging smile. They both knew how cruel Jessica could be. She had been bullying Lily for the past nine years, and had been one of her main tormentors at school. She may hide her ugliness behind her blonde hair and good looks, but Jessica was one of the most hideous people Lily knew.

Lily smiled softly at Eli, letting him know she was okay, before turning her attention back to her father. Her breath stopped when she saw his eyes were narrowed and flicking between her and Eli. She knew that they would both probably be paying for the display of affection later, but for now her father managed to control his temper, slipping his mask back on as if nothing had happened.

"Onto other matters, we are expecting the arrival of new members in the coming days. A family asked my permission to move to this territory, and seeing as we need more wolves, I accepted," the Alpha continued.

A wave of surprise went through the room. It was rare for werewolves to move to other territories unless they were moving to be with their mates, which didn't seem to be the case here. Although, sometimes a family would be forced to leave their pack when there was conflict between the Alpha and another wolf. It was possible that was why this family was moving to Hood River, their small town in Oregon.

Lily barely focused on the meeting after that point as the rest of it consisted of trivial issues that were much less interesting than daydreaming about the new pack members. She wondered what they would be like or if they would reject her, just like the rest of the pack had when they found out what happened to her mother, and about Lily's role in her death. It seemed likely that they would. If the people who had known her for her whole life could turn their back on her, why not people she had never met before?

Still, Lily found herself hoping that maybe they would be different. Maybe they wouldn't hate her or ignore her like the others did. Maybe they would be kind like Eli and Amanda. But Lily knew it was silly to hope, because hope always seemed to lead her to disappointment. She pushed thoughts of the mysterious new pack members aside, and focused on her father as he concluded the meeting.

"Thank you all for coming," he said graciously, hiding his true nature behind a mask of civility. "If any of you have any issues you wish to discuss with me, you may do so now."

With his words, everyone filed out of the room except for two males who must have wanted to speak to their Alpha. Lily left the room and went upstairs to her room. She felt tired after all the cleaning she did and after standing through the whole meeting, so she lay on her bed and closed her eyes.

Her nap only lasted half an hour, before she was woken up by the sound of her father's heavy footsteps on the stairs. She held her breath, wishing for the loud steps to pass her bedroom, but her hope died when her door was flung open and he walked in. She jumped out of her bed, putting herself in a less vulnerable position–not that it would help much, because at six foot four, he towered over her small frame.

"Did you really think I wouldn't notice?" he asked menacingly.

Lily swallowed nervously, not knowing what she could say to make him calm down.

"I saw the way you and Eli looked at each other. Are you really so desperate for love that you have to resort to sleeping with a mated man? It's embarrassing!" he sneered at her.

Lily recoiled in disgust. "Wait. What? Is that what you really think? What the F.K is wrong with you!" she shouted in exasperation, not realizing her mistake until it was too late to take it back.

The shock from his assumption had made her lose control and she had talked back to him for the first time in years. Standing up to him sent a jolt of satisfaction through her, but it was quickly crushed when his fist hit her face. It was the first time he had hit her there, as he usually preferred to keep his abuse to areas people wouldn't see. He had apparently lost control as well. Her vision went black as she fell to the floor, but it slowly cleared until she could see her father standing over her prone body, staring down at her with hate.

"Don't ever FKING talk to me like that again!" he yelled at her, stomping on her hand so hard she nearly passed out from the pain.

Lily couldn't contain her scream. Her eye was swelling shut from the punch and now her hand felt like it had been crushed by a brick. The agony only worsened when he grabbed the broken hand as she struggled with him, and bent her index finger back so far that she heard the bone crack. That time she did actually pass out from the pain. Her last thought before she fainted was, at least he didn't break my right hand this time.

~

'It's so quiet here/ And I feel so cold/ This house no longer/ Feels like home'

So Cold ~ Ben cocks

Lily the Liar

Werewolves heal quickly, but even they can’t recover from broken bones overnight, especially if they haven’t gone through their first shift. So, when Lily woke up the next morning, her hand was throbbing painfully, her finger was purple and crooked, and her eye was still a bit swollen. Making it worse, her head was pounding from the hit to her face and she was sure she had a concussion.

It wasn’t the first time her dad had left her passed out on the floor, and Lily was sure it wouldn’t be the last. It never got easier to wake up alone and injured though, it never got less painful to know that her father cared that little about her. She tried to set aside her heartache, focusing on the pain in her body instead and what she was going to do about it.

She knew she needed to get to the pack hospital before her bones started healing without being set properly. It might have already been too late with the way her finger looked. She knew from experience that if a werewolf’s bones healed before they were properly set and stabilized, they would have to be re-broken. It had happened to her when she was ten. Her father had broken her arm and had only taken her to the hospital two days later.

As soon as she stood up, her stomach revolted, and she had to run to her bathroom to throw up. She definitely had a concussion. Lily was still in her clothes from yesterday and she couldn’t face the thought of showering or changing. She couldn’t do anything but leave the house wearing her old clothes, which were sweaty and dirty from lying on her bedroom floor all night. She didn’t have a car and Sam wouldn’t care enough to drive her to the pack hospital, so she would have to walk the one-mile distance in the summer heat to get there.

She woozily walked down the stairs, trying to be quiet so as not to wake her father, who would still be in bed at that time in the morning. She was surprised to see her brother in the kitchen, making himself some eggs and bacon for breakfast. He looked up from the stove when he heard her walking through the room and his eyes widened when he saw the state she was in. He covered the shock quickly and his eyes returned to the cold and hard glare he reserved for his sister.

“You deserve it, you know,” he said to her harshly as she continued towards the front door.

Lily stopped in her tracks, turning back towards the brother who resented her so much. “Nobody deserves this,” she whispered softly, cradling her broken hand to her chest and hating that her voice sounded so weak.

“You do. I wish you had died that day instead of her,” he spat at her.

Lily felt tears forming in her eyes, the pain and guilt eating at her. “If I could change it, I would. I wish it had been me,” she admitted to him. “I wish that man had taken me and left her alone. I wish that she was safe at home.” Tears were flowing from her eyes, and she was choking on her sobs, barely about to get the words out.

Sam looked taken aback by her words, but the hatred in his eyes didn’t abate. He took a threatening step towards her and lowered his voice to a cruel taunt. “We all wish it had been you. The whole pack wishes you were dead.”

His words hit their mark, sending pain through her chest. She turned and ran before he could see any more of her tears. She hated crying in front of her pack, hated showing her weakness and vulnerability. She wiped the tears from her face with her right hand and tried to pull herself together as she walked to the hospital.

Hood River was near the Mt Hood National Forest and was bordered by the Columbia River to the North and Hood River to the East. Mt Hood, with its snow-tipped and pointed peak was visible from the small town, and the mountain combined with the deep green of the surrounding forest gave Hood River a scenic and picturesque quality. The forest was also the perfect cover for werewolves who wanted to shift and run.

The werewolves lived in the north-west section of the town, closer to the tree line, while the homes of the many unaware humans in Hood River filled in the eastern section. The Alpha’s house was situated close to the Columbia River and the house’s backyard looked onto Wells Island, which Lily liked to kayak to when she got the chance. The island was small, and its beaches were shallow and only accessible by canoe or kayak, making it the perfect place for Lily to get some peace and quiet away from her hateful family and pack.

Lily walked South, away from Alpha Mason’s house and towards the center of town. She was getting more and more sore as the movement from her steps jarred her broken hand painfully. At seven o’ clock on a Sunday, the town was relatively quiet, but a few werewolves jogged past her on their morning runs, giving her curious but unsympathetic looks. Not one of them stopped and asked if she needed help, even when she stumbled and swayed with dizziness.

By the time she arrived at the pack hospital, she was covered in sweat and feeling horrendously miserable. The hospital was actually just a small unmarked white house that didn’t draw any attention from humans in the town. The only staff who worked at the tiny hospital were two doctors, a nurse and a receptionist. Lily walked into the building to find the receptionist, Mrs. Joseph, and the nurse, Miss. Martin, who were both attractive young women, chatting at the front desk. Neither of them looked surprised to see Lily walking into the building– if anything, they looked irritated at having her there yet again.

‘What seems to be the problem this time?” Mrs. Joseph asked Lily condescendingly, giving a cursory glance to Lily’s black eye.

“Broken hand and index finger, and probably a concussion as well,” Lily replied stonily, refusing to be polite to people who had turned their backs on her with no remorse or guilt.

They chose to think that it was her fault that she always needed treatment, because they refused to believe that it was her father who had been sending her there for years. When she was ten, Lily had told Dr. Hansen and Nurse Martin that it was their Alpha who had been hurting her. They had looked at each other in shock and had left her alone in the examination room for a while. Lily had thought they would help her, but when they came back, they called her a liar and told her to stop looking for attention.

They had led her out to the reception area where Lily’s furious father was waiting for her. When confronted with the alleged abuse, he had told the doctor and nurse that she had been hurting herself to try and get sympathy and attention. They of course had believed him. He had repaid Lily’s loose lips with bruised ribs and ten whippings from his belt on her back.

Since then, she had never been welcomed back to the hospital with caring sympathy, but with detached coldness and irritation. She had once even overheard Mrs. Joseph refer to her as "Lily the Liar". They never refused to treat her, but Lily could tell they thought she deserved to live with the broken bones, because they believed she was the one causing them. So, Lily only went there when absolutely necessary, preferring to avoid their condescending and disdainful looks. Unfortunately, with a broken hand and finger, she had little choice that day.

“Hmm,” Mrs. Joseph responded drily, “I’ll have to see if one of the doctors has an opening to see you.”

Lily looked around the vacant waiting room, too tired to argue. She chose to sit and wait for one of the doctors to attend to her, knowing she might have to wait a while. The doctors couldn’t outright refuse her treatment, but they sure as HEL could make her wait for it. Considering Lily had already had to go over twelve hours without treatment though, she thought she had waited enough.

She had been waiting for about half an hour, during which time no other patients had come into the building. She felt her nausea begin to rise again, but with nothing left in her stomach, she could only dry heave until her stomach settled. When it finally passed, she looked up to find Dr. Hansen and Dr. Crofton looking down at her with raised eyebrows. Dr. Hansen was an old and grumpy man, who looked as if he was close to death with his sunken eyes and pale skin. Dr. Crofton was a much younger man, probably in his late thirties, and if he were a better person, Lily would be tempted to call him handsome.

Dr. Crofton, who was somewhat kinder than his colleague, sighed heavily and gestured for her to follow him to his exam room. She stumbled after him, feeling more and more dizzy. She fell onto the hospital bed in his room, not able to stand up for any longer. She had momentarily forgotten about her hand, so she yelped in pain when she used it to try and sit up.

“I need you to get into a hospital gown. Do you need the nurse to help you?” the doctor asked, clearly seeing that she was struggling.

Lily hesitated. She didn’t want Miss. Martin’s help, but she couldn’t deny that she needed it. “I need help,” she said softly, admitting defeat.

He left the room, and soon afterwards the nurse stormed in, obviously irritated at having to help Lily. She roughly took off Lily’s shoes and jeans, but after she pulled off her shirt, Lily heard her gasp. Lily turned to her to see the nurse’s gaze on her back, which held scars from multiple whippings over the years.

Miss. Martin swallowed loudly before quietly asking, “How did you get those?”

“Isn’t it obvious? I whipped myself with a belt because I was just looking for some attention,” Lily replied snidely.

“Lily, I-“ she started, sounding guilty.

“I don’t want to hear it,” Lily interrupted. She was in no mood to chat with one of the people who had made her wait unnecessarily to get treated by a doctor.

Miss. Martin nodded and stayed quiet while she helped Lily into a light blue hospital gown, that time being surprisingly gentle and careful. It was the first kindness that she had shown Lily in a long time, but the gesture seemed empty after so many years of cruelty.

“I’ll send the doctor in,” she said to Lily, her voice lacking its usual sharpness.

Dr. Crofton tested her for a concussion, shining a light in her eyes and asking her simple questions. Lily was pretty sure she got the date wrong and wasn’t surprised when he confirmed that she had a concussion from the head trauma. He took X-rays of Lily’s hand and they showed that most of the bones had started healing properly, which was a nice surprise. However, her index finger had to be re-broken to set it correctly. He gave her some morphine for the pain and quickly and efficiently broke the bone. She barely even felt it thanks to the drug and her familiarity with pain. He splinted the finger and put her hand in a removable cast.

“It will take about a week for the bones to heal completely and then you can take the cast and splint off yourself. Until then don’t use that hand at all. Luckily, the effects of the concussion will be gone by tomorrow because we heal quickly,” he told her flatly.

“Okay, thank you,” Lily responded. He may be a jerk, but he did help her after all.

She tried to get up from the bed, but he stopped her by placing his hand on her shoulder. “Lily…It’s time that you stopped this. Maybe you need to see someone who can help you with whatever it is that you’re going through.”

“Excuse me?”

“I think you should see a therapist,” he told her bluntly.

“I don’t need a FKING therapist,” she replied angrily. “What I need is a doctor who believes his patient instead of his Alpha.”

He sighed audibly. “Lily, you need to give this up.”

Lily chose to ignore him, knowing that nothing she said would change his stubborn mind. She got off the bed, grabbed her clothes and stormed into the bathroom to get dressed. She was struggling to pull on her jeans when there was a soft knock at the door.

“Lily? I thought you might need help.” Miss. Martin’s voice came through the door.

Lily hated to admit she needed help but knew it would be stupid to refuse it. She opened the door, letting the nurse into the bathroom to help her change.

“Thanks,” Lily reluctantly offered once she was back into her sweaty and dirty clothes.

“It was a pleasure,” the woman said sincerely.

Her new attitude towards Lily was confusing, making Lily narrow her eyes at the nurse’s back as they walked back to the waiting room.

“Is someone going to pick you up?” the nurse asked her before Lily could make her exit.

“Sure,” Lily lied. No need to emphasize to others just how little her family cared for her.

She left the building, wondering if she should call Amanda or Eli so she did actually have a lift home. She quickly nixed the idea, knowing that she didn’t want either of them to see her with a black eye and a broken hand. She started walking home, hating how hot the day was becoming. She could feel the sweat gathering under her cast and dripping down her forehead. She couldn’t wait to get home and have a shower, even though it would be difficult to do without getting the cast wet.

Luckily, Lily only had to work at the coffee shop the following day, so she could spend that day resting. She knew she would need hours of sleep to recuperate and recover, especially after walking home. She had only been walking for a minute or two though, when a blue Honda pulled up next to her and she heard her name being called. She stopped and saw Miss Martin waving at her.

“Let me give you a lift home,” she insisted. Lily started shaking her head, but the nurse didn’t let up. “Please get in the car Lily. You have a concussion and you need to rest.”

Lily sighed but got in the car. She was too tired to refuse the help. The ride to her house was awkward, with only the music playing on the radio breaking the silence. It was a short trip to her house in a car, and the air conditioning had been exactly what Lily needed–not that she would admit it to Miss. Martin.

“Here you go,” the nurse said as they pulled into Lily’s driveway.

“Thanks,” she said grudgingly, but didn’t get out of the car immediately. “Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden?” she asked, unable to hold in her curiosity.

Miss. Martin looked down at her lap, looking ashamed. “When I saw those scars on your back, I couldn’t ignore what was in front of me anymore,” she admitted. “The truth is that I was too scared to go against the Alpha. I just couldn’t bring myself to believe you over him, knowing the power he holds. I’m so sorry, Lily. We should have helped you.” She met Lily’s gaze, her eyes bright with unshed tears. “I should have helped you.”

“Yes, you should have,” Lily responded coldly.

She got out of the car and ran into the house and up to her room, thankful that her brother and father seemed to be out. She flopped onto her bed, too physically and emotionally drained to do anything but sleep. She didn’t know how to react to Miss Martin’s apology. The nurse seemed sincere, but it was just too late for apologies. It was too late to undo the damage she had done by not believing Lily needed help. It was just too DAM late. Miss Martin’s apology may have been sincere, but it didn’t change the fact that she, like almost everyone else in the pack, had turned against and abandoned a nine-year old girl.

In three days, Lily would be turning eighteen, and all she had to show for her life was her relationship with Amanda, Eli and Bella. Other than them, there was nobody and nothing in her life she could depend on. She wasn’t even sure if she would be able to depend on her mate, whoever he turned out to be. Lily was losing hope that her life would ever get better, and one apology wouldn’t change the fact that she was starting to lose the will to carry on. With every beating her father gave her, a piece of Lily seemed to disappear. She wasn't sure how many more times it would take before there was nothing left of her at all.

~

'Oh, I hope someday I'll make it out of here/ Even if it takes all night or a hundred years/ Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near/ Wanna feel alive, outside I can fight my fear'

Lovely ~ Billie Eilish, Khalid

Nightmares and Numbness

“RUN!” her mom shouted at her, but her legs wouldn’t move, couldn’t move.

She could do nothing but watch as the man snapped her mother’s neck, taking the life out of her beautiful green eyes. Her father and brother appeared in front of her and they pushed her to the ground.

“It was your fault!” they screamed over and over again while kicking her.

Suddenly they were gone, and her mother was standing over her in their place. Her skin was white and her lips blue in her death. She bent down next to Lily and reached out to stroke her hair lovingly. Lily leaned into her mom’s palm, relieved to feel the comfort of her mother’s touch. Only, now the strokes of her mother’s hand were becoming rough and violent, pulling at her hair and bruising her head.

She pulled Lily’s hair, wrenching her head back so that they were looking at each other. Her mother’s eyes had gone cold and hard, the anger inside of them scaring Lily.

“It’s all your fault!” her mother spat in her face.

Lily jerked up, waking from her nightmare. She looked around frantically, not sure where or when she was until her eyes registered the familiar sparse furniture of her bedroom. Her clothes were plastered to her body with sweat and she was shaking and breathing heavily.

She could still hear her mother’s words ringing in her ears. It’s all your fault. She tried to shake off her nightmare, but the feeling of her mother’s rough hands wouldn’t leave her, and the image of her cold eyes seemed permanently fixed in Lily’s mind. She had had many nightmares over the years, but none had left an imprint on her like this one had.

Even though it was just a dream, Lily’s heart ached at the thought of her mom blaming her for her death. There were only so many times Lily could hear her father and brother placing the blame on her before Lily started to believe it too. Up until that point, a part of her had still clung to the idea that she hadn’t been responsible. After the dream though, she could feel her hold on that hope was slipping.

It was true that had she just run home after falling, her mother would probably still be alive. It was also true that if she had run faster to get help, she would still be alive. What it came down to, was that if Lily had acted differently on that day, her mother wouldn’t have died. So, Lily finally started to fully accept her role in her mom’s death and with that acceptance, any fight that was left in her seemed to drain from her body.

She felt numb as she got ready for the day. She barely felt the heat from the shower, and she didn’t even feel the usual tenderness from the bruises on her body. Her senses seemed muffled and dulled. If it weren’t for the cast on her hand, she probably wouldn’t have even remembered or noticed that her hand was broken. She didn’t bother about her appearance, leaving her hair in a sloppy ponytail and choosing random and probably mismatched clothes.

A brief glance in the mirror let her know that she looked haggard and exhausted, and her black eye didn’t help improve her appearance. She didn’t have any make-up to cover the bruise with, not that she cared enough to mind. Uncaring and unbothered by the way she looked, she went downstairs. The house was already returning to its usual state, but this time she couldn’t care less about the mess.

She grabbed a banana from the kitchen, not feeling hungry even though she hadn’t eaten at all the previous day. Her brother was in the kitchen, making himself a big breakfast before school, but neither of them acknowledged the other. She left the house, starting the forty-minute walk to the high school. Her brother had a car, but as the shunned daughter, she had to make do without one.

She used to take the school bus when she was younger but had started walking to and from the school after one particularly humiliating day. The entire school bus had chanted ‘you’re a freak’ at her until she got off at her stop, at which point they cheered as if her leaving the bus was cause for celebration. It hadn’t been the most inventive or creative chant, but it had been effective in kicking Lily off the bus for good.

Lily arrived at the small high school with a few minutes to spare before the first bell rang. She navigated through the busy halls to get to her locker, ignoring the sneers and insults thrown her way. They had no effect on her that day because they were unable to make it through the numbness she was feeling. She made it to her locker in time to switch out her books before homeroom.

Hood River High was the only high school in the town, so the student body was made up of both werewolves and humans. Unfortunately for Lily, the werewolves ruled the school because of their typically better good looks and the intimidation humans felt from them. There was a danger in werewolves that humans could somehow sense, making them fearful and uneasy around Lily’s kind.

The pecking order at the high school didn’t help Lily because the humans naturally followed her packmates’ example in shunning her. Most of them were too nervous around her to outright bully her, but none of them were friendly either. All of that meant that Lily had absolutely nobody she could call a friend at her school.

Homeroom went by uneventfully, but when she was walking to her first class, a werewolf stuck out her foot and sent Lily falling to the ground.

“Filthy mutt,” she heard the werewolf sneer. It was Jessica, her brother’s mate.

She heard snickers from the students in the hallway, but calmly collected the two books that had fallen from her hands and went to her English class without a backwards glance.

Kyle was in that class and his seat was the one behind hers. He had probably chosen that seat to be in as close proximity as possible to Lily, so he could throw taunts her way through the whole class. English was one subject that Lily actually enjoyed, but it was hard to concentrate on what the teacher was saying with Kyle whispering in her ear.

“Where did you get that black eye from, Mutt?” he asked while Mrs. Montgomery explained the paper they would have to write on The Great Gatsby.

It was the third week of school and Lily already knew that her senior year was going to be painful with the amount of homework they were getting.

Lily didn’t respond to Kyle, even when he said, “I wonder who will be unlucky enough to get you as a mate. I hear your birthday is on Wednesday, so I guess we’ll find out soon.”

His words were cruel as always, but Lily just didn’t have the energy to care anymore. The words her mother had spoken in her dream were far worse than anything Kyle or her other pack mates could ever say to her–even if they were a figment of her imagination.

“What’s the matter with you today, Mutt?” he asked, using the ugly nickname he had given her. “Did the punch to your face leave you brain damaged or something?”

Lily refused to respond, trying to focus on Mrs. Montgomery’s words instead. Kyle obviously didn’t like that, so he flicked the back of her head.

“Hey, Mutt. I’m talking to you,” he said loudly enough to get the attention of the whole classroom.

“Is there a problem over there?” the teacher asked. She sounded annoyed at the interruption.

“No, Mrs. Montgomery. Lily just dropped her pen and I was giving it back,” Kyle said smoothly.

“Is that so? Well, that’s awfully kind of you, but I’m afraid I’m still going to have to send you to the principal’s office for using the word ‘mutt’ towards another student.” Mrs. Montgomery’s sarcastic words surprised Lily.

The teacher was a human and to stand up to a werewolf as intimidating as Kyle was quite an achievement. Not only that, but Lily wasn’t used to having people stand up for her. She must have surprised Kyle as well because he stuttered his response.

“Ex-excuse me?”

“You are excused,” Mrs. Montgomery responded haughtily, making the rest of the class crack up in barely contained laughter.

A red-faced and furious Kyle stormed out of the room and the class continued pleasantly now that Lily could pay attention to the teacher, who had just become Lily’s favorite human being. Her actions meant the world to Lily even though she knew that the principal wouldn’t give Kyle any consequences. Seeing as he was a werewolf, the man was unlikely to have an issue with Kyle’s bullying considering Lily was the one being bullied. The members of Alpha Mason’s pack had been trained over time to see Lily as the ‘mutt’ of the pack, as Kyle so eloquently put it.

With Mrs. Montgomery’s defense of her, some of the numbness had left Lily. She had few people to count on in her life, so any kind actions meant more to her than she could explain.

“Miss Mason, can you stay behind for a minute, please,” the teacher said once class was over.

Lily let everyone else leave before walking to the front of the classroom.

“Lily, there’s no easy way for me to ask this,” she started, “But how did you get that bruise on your face? And what happened to your hand?”

Lily swallowed nervously, knowing her English teacher wouldn’t believe it had been some kind of accident. The ‘I walked into an open cupboard door’ excuse wouldn’t work with that woman.

“Is someone hurting you at home?” she asked softly.

“No! No, it’s nothing like that,” Lily lied, knowing it wouldn’t end well if she told the truth. “It’s…it was someone at school.” It was the most reasonable explanation she could come up with. She already got bullied at school, so it wasn’t a huge leap to believe that another student had hit her.

Mrs. Montgomery sighed loudly. “I have noticed that the other students pick on you– it's hard not to. Have you gone to the principal?”

“Umm…no,” Lily said honestly. Even if another student had hit her, she wouldn’t have been able to count on the principal to help her.

“Look, I can’t force you to tell us who did that to you, but I really think you should report it.”

“I’ll think about it,” Lily promised her, mentally crossing her fingers behind her back.

“Good. You better get to your next class.”

Lily nodded and turned to leave, but stopped when her teacher added, “Lily, if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.”

“Thanks Mrs. Montgomery,” Lily replied sincerely.

It felt good to have someone in her corner for once. Unfortunately, her good mood didn't even survive a single day–Kyle made sure of it.

Lily was walking through the near-empty hall after her last class when he cornered her and pushed her into an empty classroom. He grabbed her throat with both hands and slammed her against the wall. His grip tightened around her neck, cutting off her air supply and making her panic.

She clawed at his hands, feeling desperate and frantic. It was the first time Kyle had laid hands on her. His light blue eyes were as cold as ice and it was the first time Lily had been truly afraid of him. The draw she usually felt towards him was gone, and its place was terror.

“Did you think that stunt you pulled in English was funny?” he sneered.

Lily tried to say ‘no’ but couldn’t get the words out so shook her head instead.

“That’s what I thought,” he spat at her, releasing his grip on her.

She slid down the wall, coughing as she filled her lungs with much-needed oxygen. She knew her neck would be bruised from the hard grip he had used to pin her to the wall.

“You better watch yourself, Mutt,” he warned her. “Next time I might not be so forgiving.”

“I didn’t even do anything,” Lily coughed out, knowing it was stupid to talk back to him, but unable to hold her tongue.

“What did you say?” he said, taking a threatening step towards her. He looked massive standing over her while she was slumped on the floor.

“N-nothing,” she stuttered, backing herself up against the wall in fear.

“God, you’re FKING pathetic,” he said in disgust. He turned and left the classroom not sparing her one more glance.

Lily hated to admit it, but the words hurt. It hurt that the guy she had once thought might be her mate was looking down at her like he couldn’t stand the sight of her. His words brought the numbness back into her body, leaving her feeling drained and empty.

She barely remembered the walk home, but somehow she was back in her room and lying on her bed feeling just as pathetic as Kyle had said she was. She ended up doing what she always did when she felt dejected and lost. She phoned Amanda, one of the only people who could cheer her up even at her lowest lows.

"Hey Lily. Is everything okay?" she asked when she picked up the phone.

"No. I really need you right now," Lily admitted, her throat feeling sore from the tears she held back and from Kyle's attack.

"I'll be right there," she replied immediately, proving that Lily could always depend on her. "Bella and I will pick you up and we can go out for pizza before your shift. How does that sound?"

"It sounds perfect," Lily responded, already feeling better. Amanda always had that effect on her.

"Okay. We're on our way," she said before hanging up.

Not for the first time, Lily wondered what she would do without Amanda. She wondered if the numbness would have taken over and forced her to do the one thing she had thought of often, but never considered as a real option because of Amanda, Eli and Bella. They were the only thing keeping her from ending it all.

~

'I know it hurts/ It's hard to breathe sometimes/ These nights are long/ You've lost the will to fight'

Carry You ~ Ruelle ft. Fleurie

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《Rejected and Forsaken》